Renaissance

I’ve been thinking of what I should talk about. I started a blog and I don't really know what to do with it. Do I make this a "in the day of Kendall", a depressing tutorial about what going on, review movies, or do I write about what’s on my mind? I don't know but I guess it will come to me, that at least what people keep telling me when they don't have an answer for me. 

Another thing people have been telling me and promising me is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have always believed that "everything happens for a reason" and had been through some little bumps before this life event happened. But now I feel a little naive for always thinking there was a reason for everything. What if your parent died? Or you lost a limb? Or you loose a spouse? Or your child dies? In certain situations I don't see the reason why something’s happen. To draw some semblance of understanding I quote a great movie, Forrest Gump. This is from the part of the movie when he "just likes running":

Bumper Sticker Man: "WOAH! Man, you just ran through a big pile of dog shit!"

Forrest Gump: "it happens."

Bumper Sticker Man: "What, shit?"

Forrest Gump: "sometimes."

"Shit happens" (pardon my French but I used parenthesis) sometimes and it just plain sucks. Simba lost his father to a stampede of wildebeests, surfer Bethany Hamilton’s arm was bitten off by a freaking shark, our apostle Dallin H. Oaks lost his wife of 46 years to cancer, Paul Walker (my celebrity crush) was only identified by his dental records because he was incinerated and his father wept that his son preceded him to the grave. I know these are silly examples and one of them is a Disney movie but crazy stuff like this happens all the time, seriously. 

Since I have opened up to a few people about my life I have been shocked by some of the things that people have had to go through (abuse, death, depression, bad relationships, being shot at, bankruptcy...) and I keep asking myself how did they do that.  How did that survive that trial and still function? The world really is a scary place and the creatures living on it, humans, can be the worst. But there is one thing i try and remember that with time people will always surprise you, hopefully for the good. I'd rather not be surprised by an AK-47 in a dark alley.

I really like quotes and I always get made fun of for loving LOTR (that’s Lord of the Rings for all you haters). But I love what Gandalf says to Frodo when in the depths of the mountain:

Frodo: “I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.”

Gandalf: “So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

I roll my eyes when I read this quote, even though I love it, because I’ve heard a thousand times comments like “well what are you going to do about it?” or “ its not about what happened in the past its about what you’re going to do now”. I roll my eyes because i'm tired and stubborn… and I know they’re right, what am i going to do about it now?

Take Simba for example he ran away when his father died and learned to eat bugs. He lost himself then got hit in the head by a baboon and his father appeared in the sky and told him to “remember who you are” all very logical things. We know the rest, simba returns and becomes king. He did something along with the help of friends. But here is a real life example from surfer Bethany Hamilton who I think is just awesome.

At the age of 13 she lost her arm to a 15-foot tiger shark. She was already on the track to become a pro surfer before this happened. A month after the attack she got back in the water and taught herself to surf again. And a few months later she entered a big competition and now is a professional surfer and just got married to a hottie. Half my knowledge of Bethany Hamilton is based of her movie “Soul Surfer” featuring Carrie Underwood, which cracks me up, but Carrie does have a profound line in the movie “I don't know why bad things happen to us sometimes but I have to believe something good is going to come out of this. I don't know what that is. I really wish I did”.

This post is turning into a giant run on sentence about fictional stories and Paul Walker (may you R.I.P). But to bring it back full circle people say a lot of thing one of which is there “is a light at the end of the tunnel”. At the moment it doesn’t feel like I’ll ever see that light, but I do believe that it cant always be like this, just don’t know when things will start looking up. But I have to keep trying, right? I didn’t give up when all the odds were against me (talking about my marriage), even though I lost. So I guess that means i'm a fighter or a survivor or an idiot. Lets agree that a fighter sounds best and has bigger biceps.  So I am a fighter at the moment and i'm going to “fight for my shitty life” (Bridesmaids quote).

Here’s a clip from Bridesmaids, ironically, that I find mucho relevant. Watch the whole clip or the whole movie! its actually pretty deep and hilarious.